


No, Altair!

by childishillusions



Category: Assassin's Creed
Genre: Community: asscreedkinkmeme, Gen, Semi-Crack, characters being horribly OOC, mention of prostitution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-16
Updated: 2015-09-16
Packaged: 2018-04-21 01:42:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4810103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/childishillusions/pseuds/childishillusions
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fill of a prompt on the asscreedkinkmeme where Altair makes decisions as Grand Master that Malik doesn't approve of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No, Altair!

A/N: The original prompt is [here](http://asscreedkinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/2158.html?thread=12404334#cmt12404334). Enjoy 

 

 

There is rumored to be a book, passed down from one Second in command of the Brotherhood of Assassins to another. The book is given freely from the old second in command, to the next man or woman who is handed this heavy responsibility if the old second in command lived long enough to meet their Successor. Otherwise this highly prized and utterly secret book is left in a place where only the new second in command will find it.  
  
As the brotherhood expanded across the world, The Book was copied and handed out to the Second in Commands of those Brotherhoods. The book has been translated into several dozen languages, and the original had been lost when Masayf fell to the Templar. Never the less, the book has existed in one form or another, even to this day. It is said that the first pages of the book were written shortly after the inauguration of Grand Master Altair Ibn-La'Ahad by his second in command Malik Al Sayf. Whether the contents of this book are entirely true, the general guidelines when followed lead the Brotherhood well. Compiled for your reading pleasure is a list of the most... Memorable rejected orders of several notable Grand Masters as well as a short transcript of the conversation surrounding said rejected order:  
  
_01: Every third day, every Assassin in the city I am in currently will gather in the Bureau, or if I am in Masayf, in the main square. All of us will then battle until we are exhausted. Those who are victorious in the battles will fight me. All of them at once._  
  
The one armed assassin stared at his superior, arching an eyebrow at the other and asked with an irritated sigh "Why would you order all of the order in one city to fight each other, only to have the exhausted victors fight you,  _Grand Master_ Altair? That would cause a rather dangerous dip in our defenses in Masayf, and in other cities could delay the missions of those working there."  
  
"I want to make sure that they keep their strength up. And I want to fight the victors as they have proved themselves strong against our brothers, and I want to make sure to keep my strength and instincts up." Altair responded, only partially telling the truth.   
  
"You would be carrying out your duties while the others fought, correct? Or would you watch them, while letting the paperwork and information pile up on the desk you are using?" The one-armed man retorted, rolling his eyes. Altair was an impressive battlefield commander and was surprisingly good at commanding the respect and running certain aspects of the role of Grand Master... However the scarred Assassin  _hated_ paperwork with an amusing if irritating passion.  
  
_02: There will be no more pointless paperwork. The next person who hands me a stack of paperwork on how many ink pots and shoes we have will be strapped to a horse and sent straight to the Templars for torturing their Grand Master._  
  
"No."  
  
"But why do we need to know such pointless things? I don't  **care** how many plates we have, and why do we need to know these things? And why must they be counted every other week and the paperwork sent to me?"  
  
"Because we need to know when we are running low, so as to ensure that we can get more before we run out completely. In addition if there is a precipitous or unusual drop in the number of certain items then we need to find out who the culprit is in order to stop them from wasting the Brotherhood's resources."  
  
"... So... If we loose three pots and pans more every fortnight it is an indication of an evil Templar plot to... Steal our crockery? It makes no sense why  **I** have to be the one reading these all the time."  
  
"As Grandmaster you must be aware of the state of affairs of the brotherhood. Everything from where our brothers are stationed and where the guards and Templars are most active currently, to the number of spoons and ink pots we have."  
  
"... If you say so."  
  
_03: Every unmarried Brother and Sister is required to have sex at minimum once a month in order to relieve physical tension, rather than using a Prostitute - one never knows whether or not the prostitute is a Spy of some kind. If necessary schedules will be instated. Talk to either Malik or myself as to what gender you prefer and which Brothers or Sisters you would prefer sleeping with._  
  
Note: Simply because you have a preference for one person over another does not necessarily mean that you will get to sleep with that person, as both Assassins' wishes will be taken into account. Those who wish to engage in sexual activities with more than one other person will need to speak with Malik about arranging such.   
  
"Are you drunk?" Malik demanded as he stared hard at his long-time friend, resisting the urge (for the moment) to drag the other to the infirmary - if only as trying to drag the other without assistance would be nearly impossible for the second in command if Altair did not want to go with him, or could not be coaxed to do so, and the sight of the two of them fighting so openly could cause concern (among other things).  
  
"No, why?" the Grand Master of Assassins asked curiously, turning to the other, wondering why the other was in such a state.  
  
"Then explain  **this** ridiculous order!" The dark haired Dai spluttered as he brandished the offending piece of parchment at his superior.  
  
"What is there to explain? I thought that it was well explained." Altair responded blandly, a hint of a smirk appearing on his lips at the other's reaction.  
  
"This is completely ridiculous! We are  **not** going to be meddling in that aspect of our Brothers and Sisters personal lives." Malik growled, eyes flashing at the other, nettled and more than a little flustered about the fact that Altair wanted  _him_ to deal with most of it.  
  
"If you say so... I simply am concerned about the safety of our order members - as two Novices have recently been nearly captured in less than a year while engaged in such activities with those outside our order." The Grand master pointed out.   
  
"A couple of idiots getting into trouble is to be expected Altair. They were on a mission in a Templar controlled city and should not have been messing around like that in the first place!" Malik responded, irritating piquing at that particular minor fiasco. Altair had a point about reminding their younger order members about being discrete... But sexual matchmaking was something that he was not about to let the Brotherhood of Assassins engage in for it's members. "Another reprimand on the importance of being  **discrete** and knowing when to do such things  **appropriately** is in order. But something like this is not necessary, and Allah save us all if more idiocy forces us to implement such edicts."  
  
Altair sighed but nodded. "Perhaps it was an ill-thought out order..." Still, the expression on Malik's face had been more than worth entertaining such a strange idea to the point of putting quill to paper.


End file.
